bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
