Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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