I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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