you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
