I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
