Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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