I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
