I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize