Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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