I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
