You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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