Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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