Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
