We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
