I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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