I love black thongs
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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