Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
