please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
