I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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