well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
