Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
