Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
