that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
