Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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