Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
