Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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