I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize