I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
