dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I will be naked everywhere
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
