Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize