ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
