I am full of burrito and curiosity
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
