She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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