That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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