you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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