MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
