I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
