Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize