I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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