Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
