OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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