I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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