I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize