Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
