My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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