Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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