You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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