i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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