I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
