Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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