is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
