I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
