gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
