i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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