I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize