I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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