ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
