I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
