i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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