seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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