We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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