Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
