Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
