I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
