So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
