Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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