What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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