Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
