Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
