I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
