Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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