Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pants are for mortals
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize