Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
