I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
