Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize