She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
