Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
