there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
