A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
