it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
