Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
