I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
this hospital has no fireball
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
