I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
