Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
