Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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