It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
