O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
