Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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