he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
