I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
