One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
