I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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