im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
