If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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