hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
