Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
