don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
