god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
