Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
