I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
