just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
