your thong is hanging out like whoa
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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