I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
