He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
