Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize