I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
