So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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