Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
