whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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