I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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