Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
