It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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