last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
