yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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