there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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