your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
