Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
