what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
